Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize