So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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