i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize