You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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