I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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