just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i dont even know how to be here
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize