all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Found your dick twin last night
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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