She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize