If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
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I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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