Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
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Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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