Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize