Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
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Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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