Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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