just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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