Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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