I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize