you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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