have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize