So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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