I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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