I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
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You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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