If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize