When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
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I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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