im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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