Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
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If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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