he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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