Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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