Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
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Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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