Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize