1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize