I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize