You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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