I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize