Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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