hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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