My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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