just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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