Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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