perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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