Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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