Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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