How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
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yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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