it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
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He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
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The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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