Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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