Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize