You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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