haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize