I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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