My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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