How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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